Quick Funny Jokes

Jokes?..Any quick and ridiculously funny ones?..?

I’ll give you one, :
Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s chosen people. ….

. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. ..

Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. …..

Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters. ……..

there was this guy driving his car, well his car broke down so he started to walk. a few hours later he found an old farm house, he knocked on the door a farmer came to the door. The guy said would it be alright if i stayed the night here, because my car broke down and i need a place to stay till morning so i can call a tow-truck. The farmer says yes you can stay here, Just don’t touch my purple monkey!

Well later on that night the guy is laying in bed and he has to pee really, really bad. So he goes from door to door looking for the bathroom. Well he opens this door and is all it does it lead to smaller doors until he gets to this really, really tiny door and he opens it and the room just has light from the moon filling it up, he looks to his right and sees a tall purple monkey so he asks do you know where the bathroom is? The monkey doesn’t answer him so he asks the monkey three more times. Finally he just pokes the FUCKING Monkey and they monkey starts to break the chains outta the wall and he starts to chase after the guy. As the guy is being chased he busts through walls and then out the front door during this whole time the Big Purple Monkey is still chasing behind him, The guy finally reaches his car and gets in and shut and locks the door. The purple monkey gets on top of the car and takes the roof of the car right off with no problem. Then the monkey reaches in and pokes the guy back and says, “TAG YOU IT”!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
I bet you thought the Big Purple Monkey was gonna kill that poor guy?????? LOL. Fooled your asses didn’t I???
Love Lindsey and Baby..
Now there is a joke for you Melissa!!!!!

Funny Jokes with people

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Finding The Funny Fast: How to Create Quick Humor to Connect with Clients, Coworkers and Crowds $12.94 If you’ve ever thought about using humor in a speech, sales letter or even casual conversation but stopped because you had no idea where to start looking for the funny or were overwhelmed by the thought of spending hours crafting a joke, then this book is for you! Jan steps you through the ways she writes humor fast for herself and her clients. Humor is the best way to make your communications mem…

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A Box of Delights: An A-Z of the Funniest, Wisest, and Most Poignant Stories, Proverbs, Jokes and On $12.99 “>This wonderful storehouse of jokes and stories is a veritable treasure chest from two of Britain’s best-loved Christian communicators. Intended originally for use by preachers, this inspiring and thought-provoking collection proved so enjoyable that it is now presented for a wider audience. >Although much is humorous, some material reaches for the heart rather than the funny bone. Some of the 400+ individual entries are longer selections while others are quick quips, but all of it entertains with a purpose.”

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The Truth (With Jokes) $10.79 Al Franken"s landmark bestseller Lies (And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them): A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right was praised as a "bitterly funny assault" ( The New York Times ) that rang "with the moral clarity of an angel"s trumpet" (The Associated Press). Now this master of political humor strikes again with a powerful and provocative message for all of us. In these pages Al reveals the alarming story of how: * Bush (barely) beat Kerry with his campaign of "fear smear and queers " and then claimed a nonexistent mandate. * "Casino Jack"Abramoff the Republicans" nearest and dearest friend made millions of dollars off of the unspeakable misery of the poor and the powerless. And also Native Americans. * The administration successfully implemented its strategy to destroy America"s credibility and goodwill around the world. Complete with new material for this paperback edition The Truth (with jokes) is more than just entertaining intelligent and insightful. It is at once prescient in its analysis of right-wing mendacity and incompetence and inspiring in its vision of a better tomorrow for all Americans (except Jack Abramoff). BACKCOVER: "Devastating The Truth keeps its promise to be funny about extremely unfunny matters. It matches Lies in wit and its subjects are tougher. The gags have bite. . . .The book stays lively even when it dissects President Bush"s views on Social Security . . .And it is effectively leavened with bits of dialogue many of them all too real." – The New York Times "Subtle laugh-or-cry-out-loud and ultimately devastating . . . The Truth (with jokes) is guaranteed to rile the right again with its forensic lasering of Republican skullduggery and media mendacity laced with sharp humor. . . . [Al Franken] is the voice the American left has been waiting for." – The Guardian (London)Al Franken"s landmark bestseller Lies (And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them): A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right was praised as a "bitterly funny assault" ( The New York Times ) that rang "with the moral clarity of an angel"s trumpet" (The Associated Press). Now this master of political humor strikes again with a powerful and provocative message for all of us. In these pages Al reveals the alarming story of how: * Bush (barely) beat Kerry with his campaign of "fear smear and queers " and then claimed a nonexistent mandate. * "Casino Jack"Abramoff the Republicans" nearest and dearest friend made millions of dollars off of the unspeakable misery of the poor and the powerless. And also Native Americans. * The administration successfully implemented its strategy to destroy America"s credibility and goodwill around the world. Complete with new material for this paperback edition The Truth (with jokes) is more than just entertaining intelligent and insightful. It is at once prescie

Cool Jokes and Political Humor $26.73 Cool Jokes and Political Humor consists of numerous cool jokes and political humor that will tickle the readers funny bone and provide many hours of entertainment. Author: Fields, Lew Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 314 Publication Date: 2010/03/31 Language: English Dimensions: 5.51 x 8.50 x 0.65 inches

Jokes Every Man Should Know $10.09 The Only Joke Book You"ll Ever Need Featuring: Nine Jokes about Heaven and Hell Eight Jokes Just for Kids Nineteen Jokes Definitely Not for Kids Six Jokes about Lightbulbs Seven Jokes about Bars The World"s Only Funny Knock-Knock Joke Plus alternate versions roasts and toasts historical footnotes tips on telling jokes and much much more. From the Hardcover edition.

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The Art of Telling Great Jokes Being Funny $25.62 Discover the secrets to making people laugh and telling great jokes Also, learn an easy technique to remember the great jokes inside Author: Kirsner, Craig Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 148 Publication Date: 2007/07/01 Language: English Dimensions: 9.00 x 6.00 x 0.34 inches

Old Jews Telling Jokes $11.68 Rated: NRSynopsis: Just what it’s called: Old Jews telling jokes. The 18 joke tellers featured aren’t professionals; rather they’re doctors, lawyers, a garment worker, a wine salesman – just like your favorite Jewish uncle or grandparent. With wonderful timing and mannerisms, and bouncy klezmer music backing them up, these funny old alter kockers deliver, with great delight, the off-color and risqué jokes from a bygone era.

A Collection Of Jokes And Funny Stories $25.84 No Synopsis Available

Super Funny Animal Jokes $8.27 No Synopsis Available

Food Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone By Bozzo, Linda $32.59 Includes jokes, limericks, knockknock jokes, tongue twisters, and fun facts about different fruits, vegetables, chocolate, popcorn, ice cream, and more, and describes how to write your own knockknock jokes and how to create your own joke book Provided by publisher. Author: Bozzo, Linda Series Title: Funny Bone Jokes Publication Date: 2011/01/01 Number of Pages: 48 Binding Type: Library Grade Level: 34 Language: English Depth: 0.50 Width: 5.75 Height: 8.50

Sports Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone By Thornley, Stew $32.59 Includes jokes, limericks, knockknock jokes, tongue twisters, and fun facts about baseball, basketball, football, hockey, golf, and more, and describes how to write your own jokes Provided by publisher. Author: Thornley, Stew Series Title: Funny Bone Jokes Publication Date: 2011/02/01 Number of Pages: 48 Binding Type: Library Grade Level: 34 Language: English Depth: 0.25 Width: 5.50 Height: 8.25

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A Box of Delights: An A-Z of the Funniest, Wisest, and Most Poignant Stories, Proverbs, Jokes, and One-Liners $1.99 This wonderful storehouse of jokes and stories is a veritable treasure chest from two of Britain’s best-loved Christian communicators. Intended originally for use by preachers, this inspiring and thought-provoking collection proved so enjoyable that it is now presented for a wider audience. Although much is humorous, some material reaches for the heart rather than the funny bone. Some of the 400+ individual entries are longer selections while others are quick quips, but all of it entertains with a purpose.

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How to Write One Liner Jokes: Includes 100+ Topic-Related One Line Joke Examples $14.95 This easy-to-follow how to book is a must for everyone. It includes over 100 topic-related joke examples. How to Write One Liner Jokes example joke excerpts from the workbook exercises: “For the Holidays, Molly got a dolly, Betty got a teddy, Jimmy got a lolly, and Freddy got a condom,” “Mable’s cane was not for walking; rather, it was for the men in the park that ignored her,” “During the divorce proceedings, Fred slid further down in his seat when he realized her attorney was his ex-mistress.”In her materials, Linda Parker states that: “Everyone is funny-and anyone can be a comedian if they truly learn to laugh at themselves.” The Author, a “determined to stay single” mother of three and grandmother, shares her secrets to writing brilliant visual quick jokes about encounters drawn from special occasions, family, children, ex-husbands (plural), and coworkers. They are the type of laughs that no one would admit to doing if caught in the act yet make the best one-line writing material.”Well, I admit, this is a first for me. I’ve read and written lots of funny stuff. And I have ‘funny’ in my blood, my dad was Bozo the Clown. (True Story.)But I’ve never edited a joke book before. And it is hilarious. Got any more? I could do this all day! Jennifer.”

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Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks $8.01 New – Who says math can’t be funny? In Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks, Patrick Vennebush dispels the myth of the humorless mathematician. His quick wit comes through in this incredible compilation of jokes and stories. Intended for all math types, Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks provides a comprehensive collection of math humor, containing over 400 jokes. It’s a book that all teachers from elementary school through college should have in their library. But the humor isn’t just for the classroom-it also appea

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Nutty Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids $4.99 Bestselling author Bob Phillips (combined sales of more than 9 million copies!) has done it again. This wild collection of knock–knock jokes is sure to keep the kids giggling and Gramps chuckling—the whole household will be in stitches!Keep this book in the car for some rib–tickling fun on long road trips. Keep it in the playroom for a quick smile. Keep it on a nearby shelf for a surefire icebreaker at the party. Filled to the brim with funny and just plain silly riddles, this is a book every kid will want and every parent will enjoy. Laughter is only a knock–knock joke away!

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Spooky Jokes $30.15 New – “Boo-ha-ha!” It’s almost frightening how funny these jokes are. What makes the letter G so scary? “It turns your host into a ghost.” Why should you avoid vampires at dawn?” Because they like a quick bite before they go to bed.” How does a witch tell time? “With a witch watch.” Ghosts and Godzilla, skeletons and sea monsters, Dracula and Frankenstein, bats and spiders, haunted houses-it’s all alarmingly hilarious.

Spooky Jokes $40.77 New – “Boo-ha-ha!” It’s almost frightening how funny these jokes are. What makes the letter G so scary? “It turns your host into a ghost.” Why should you avoid vampires at dawn?” Because they like a quick bite before they go to bed.” How does a witch tell time? “With a witch watch.” Ghosts and Godzilla, skeletons and sea monsters, Dracula and Frankenstein, bats and spiders, haunted houses-it’s all alarmingly hilarious.

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The Adventures of Sir Givret the Short $0.01 Many years ago, the storytellers say, the great King Arthur held court with his gallant Knights of the Round Table. Poor Givret, who is easily the shortest man at court, bears the brunt of their jokes. But what he lacks in stature, Givret makes up for in brains—and before he knows it, his quick thinking has landed him a place at the famous Round Table! And so beginneth the exciting and funny adventures of Sir Givret the Short, Brilliant, and Marvelous.

Top Ten Reasons: 600 Fun One Line Quips $14.95 Filled with 600 one line quips for top ten reasons in a large variety of humorous topics utilizing all areas of comedy in the punch lines – clean, dirty, adult, child, sex, christian, fat, stupid, redneck, practical – it’s all in here.These visual one line jokes will also be plagiarized by stand up comics for years to come for her three volume series “Why I Stay Single!” along with her “How to Write One Liner Jokes” book.These original top ten lists include topics like: “Top Ten Reasons…Grandpa isn’t allowed in the garage,” “Earplugs come in all different sizes,” “You think you’re dating a prostitute,” “Slot machines have hidden cameras,” “Rednecks can’t be blondes,” and so much more. Linda Parker, a “determined to stay single” mother of three and grandmother, shares her brilliant visual quick jokes about encounters drawn from family, children, ex-husbands (plural), coworkers and some incredibly undesirable attempts to date in her 40’s. They are the type of laughs that no one would admit to doing if caught in the act. “Well, I admit, this is a first for me. I’ve read and written lots of funny stuff. And I have ‘funny’ in my blood, my dad was Bozo the Clown. (True Story.)But I’ve never edited a joke book before. And it is hilarious. Got any more? I could do this all day! Jennifer.”

Why I Stay Single!: 500+ One Liner Jokes Volume I $14.95 Volume I of III. Over 500 hilarious one liner jokes in four humorous chapters encompassing all areas of comedy in the punch lines – clean, dirty, adult, child, sex, christian, fat, stupid, redneck, practical – it’s in here. These really funny visual one line quips for dating, shopaholic, insane and the disgusting will be plagiarized by stand up comics for years to come! Why I Stay Single! Excerpts from Chapter One: “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He picks his nose during the second course and eats it during the third,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He makes karate noises while eating sushi,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…You uncontrollably laugh at her dinner attire when she opens the door,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…She wore condom earrings to a religious festival,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He called it dancing, but you thought it was an epileptic seizure.” Linda Parker, a “determined to stay single” mother of three and grandmother, shares her brilliant visual quick jokes about encounters drawn from family, children, ex-husbands (plural), coworkers and some incredibly undesirable attempts to date in her 40’s. They are the type of laughs that no one would admit to doing if caught in the act. In light of the above, the author claims there won’t be a Husband Number 4! “Well, I admit, this is a first for me. I’ve read and written lots of funny stuff. And I have ‘funny’ in my blood, my dad was Bozo the Clown. (True Story.) But I’ve never edited a joke book before. And it is hilarious. Got any more? I could do this all day! Jennifer.”

Why I Stay Single!: 500+ One Liner Jokes Volume II $14.95 Volume II of III. Over 500 hilarious one liner jokes in four humorous chapters encompassing all areas of comedy in the punch lines – clean, dirty, adult, child, sex, christian, fat, stupid, redneck, practical – it’s in here.These really funny visual one line quips for dating, shopaholic, insane and the disgusting will be plagiarized by stand up comics for years to come! Why I Stay Single! Excerpts from Chapter One: “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He picks his nose during the second course and eats it during the third,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He makes karate noises while eating sushi,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…You uncontrollably laugh at her dinner attire when she opens the door,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…She wore condom earrings to a religious festival,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He called it dancing, but you thought it was an epileptic seizure.” Linda Parker, a “determined to stay single” mother of three and grandmother, shares her brilliant visual quick jokes about encounters drawn from family, children, ex-husbands (plural), coworkers and some incredibly undesirable attempts to date in her 40’s. They are the type of laughs that no one would admit to doing if caught in the act.In light of the above, the author claims there won’t be a Husband Number 4! “Well, I admit, this is a first for me. I’ve read and written lots of funny stuff. And I have ‘funny’ in my blood, my dad was Bozo the Clown. (True Story.)But I’ve never edited a joke book before. And it is hilarious. Got any more? I could do this all day! Jennifer.”

Why I Stay Single!: 500+ One Liner Jokes Volume III $14.95 Volume III of III. Over 500 hilarious one liner jokes in four humorous chapters encompassing all areas of comedy in the punch lines – clean, dirty, adult, child, sex, christian, fat, stupid, redneck, practical – it’s in here.These really funny visual one line quips for dating, shopaholic, insane and the disgusting will be plagiarized by stand up comics for years to come! Why I Stay Single! Excerpts from Chapter One: “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He picks his nose during the second course and eats it during the third,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He makes karate noises while eating sushi,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…You uncontrollably laugh at her dinner attire when she opens the door,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…She wore condom earrings to a religious festival,” “A Second Date’s No So Likely If…He called it dancing, but you thought it was an epileptic seizure.” Linda Parker, a “determined to stay single” mother of three and grandmother, shares her brilliant visual quick jokes about encounters drawn from family, children, ex-husbands (plural), coworkers and some incredibly undesirable attempts to date in her 40’s. They are the type of laughs that no one would admit to doing if caught in the act.In light of the above, the author claims there won’t be a Husband Number 4! “Well, I admit, this is a first for me. I’ve read and written lots of funny stuff. And I have ‘funny’ in my blood, my dad was Bozo the Clown. (True Story.)But I’ve never edited a joke book before. And it is hilarious. Got any more? I could do this all day! Jennifer.”